Magnificent Adventures of Veigar
by TrollAWhat
Summary: Veigar's high school life before the league. Veigar x Absolutely Everyone. Even Cho'gath, but that's for later chapters. A league of legends romcom high school slice of life story that is sure to leave your heart fluttering and the tears dropping. First fic though, so be conservative with the hatred ;3 Reviews are love.
1. Tsunderes&cupcakes, Veigar's first day!

I hate this town.

For as long as I know, I've been living by myself. Both of my parents were killed by bandits years ago. I've been toughing it out on the streets since then, occasionally freeloading at peoples' houses for a short time. Right now, I live in the guest room of a particularly friendly family, but I don't know how much longer they'll let me stay. Every day, I see people going about their business with an air of confidence and purpose around them. These people are on their way to a job they love, a family they care about, or even a place for them to enjoy solitude. Their lives are driven by work and the reward of self-satisfaction. The greater the work, the greater the achievement. Life was never about achievements like this for me, and it never will be. People will say that the purpose of their lives is to be successful, or to have a family, or just to be happy. I resent their views. I've never had such a definite goal in my life. I've always just gone with things as they came by, and living my life one day at a time. I don't think about my future. I don't want to think about my future. I don't have anywhere to go, or people to be with. Most people around my age go to high school… I guess it's to be expected for the family I live with to force me to start going to the same school their daughter goes to. Said daughter apparently still isn't back from her overseas trip and won't be back until tomorrow. Honestly, I couldn't care less about any of this crazy school shit. I just don't have anything better to do, and I really-

"BBQ pork bun!"

What the actual fuck. That effectively ruined my rant. I look around to find the person who said that, and sure enough, to my right, on the same long, winding road as me, stood a girl just slightly taller than me. She's wearing a red-collared uniform in contrast to my blue one.

"Do you…"

She spoke again, in a softer voice than before. It was a tender, heart-warming melody, very much like the sound of 1200 ELO noobs' bones shattering beneath my feet.

"…like this town?"

Her words came as an unexpected surprise to me. Who was she? How did she know what I was just thinking about?

"I do. I really, really do. There's many people here that I love, and lots of happy things to remember."

She answers her own questions with unbelievable thoughts that so strongly oppose my own. There was a confident glare in her eyes, with her small hands together by her chest. And yet, in that very confidence, her forward glare appeared to be somewhat unsteady, as if she were convincing herself with her own words.

"But no matter how much you want them to, the happy things don't last. They always go away. Nothing will stay the same forever."

"Then all you need to do is to find the next happy thing right?"

I reply almost instinctively, without hesitation. It felt like it was the natural thing to say, although I'm the last person who should be saying things like that. Her trance-like gaze vanishes instantly, as she turns to face me with widened eyes. It doesn't seem that she knew I was there. I can clearly see her face now that she was facing me. She has clear purple eyes that matched her long, purple hair. Her skin is very clear, though a bit pale.

"E-e-ehh?"

Suddenly, for some crazy reason, her face goes bright red and her eyes grow even larger. I can't say for sure, but it almost looks like they're slightly tearing up.

"Y-y-you...!"

Too preoccupied staring at her furiously glowing face, I fail to notice her hand being raised.

"PERVERT!11! !"

Ugh, what happened to me? I slowly open my eyes to the familiar cherry blossom trees swaying above me. Tentatively, I raise my hand up to feel my cheek to be met with a sharp sting. I don't know how long I was out for, but for that slap to still sting, that bitch must've really been bat-shit crazy. I still have no idea what I did wrong. I mean, if this was an anime, or a game, or whatever, saying something smooth like that would've made a great opening right? Right? How was I being a pervert in any sense of the word? Brushing myself off, I get up to my feet and continue down the path. I had originally left for school quite early, but seeing as there were still no other students on the path anymore, I was probably unconscious for so long that I'm now extremely late. It's to my understanding that typical students would start running at this point, but I still decide to walk to school just as slowly and leisurely as before. I'm in no rush. I doubt that I'm even going to live in this neighbourhood for much longer before I get kicked out of my free shelter again, and then I'll sleep in alleyways before finding another house, just like it always has been. I'm only going now because the family I've been living with is forcing me to. They keeping saying that a boy my age "ought to be outside and learning and making friends and enjoying life". I guess I conceded because I had nothing better to be doing anyway.

After several more minutes, I finally reach the school. As I suspected, no students were to be found outside. Everyone was probably in their classes already. Before me stood a large stone engraving of the school's name. League of Funbun Collegiate Institute, it read. That name gives me the chills somehow. Sighing loudly, I make my way towards the front doors.

I take in the grandness and the sheer aura of class that the school practically excretes as I leisurely stroll over a thin concrete path. Having been very much a hobo and a sunlight-hating NEET (Not in Education, Employment, or Training) for a significant portion of my life, I hadn't had the chance to see my share of breathtaking buildings. The school is extremely clean, without a trace of litter or vandalism throughout its property, with white walls that were polished to the point of sparkling. The grass seems to be freshly trimmed, with a deep, vibrant shade of a healthy green. And throughout the entire premises, there is an indescribably pleasant aroma that drifted through the air. Although, of course, no students are to be seen.

No, that's wrong. Peering into the far distance with my eyes squinted, I can see the form of a person apparently crouching at the edge of a flight of stairs with a long, dark object in his hands. He appears to be intensely concentrating on something. It must be well into morning classes at this point, and he doesn't look like he's late like me since he isn't going anywhere, so what could he be doing? I turn back to look at the front doors. I was nearly there already. Well, whatever, it isn't like I actually came here to learn right? It doesn't matter if I don't attend some classes. Nobody's going to kill me over it. I decide to change course and investigate the mysterious person crouched at the stairs.

Coming closer, I notice that the person was a girl with long, straight brown hair. She's wearing a peculiar and huge purple hat with stripes on it. I'm not much of a fashion guru so I can't comment. Substantially more important, though, is the fact that she's holding an outrageously large gun (by my standards, anyway). It may be one of those designed for longer ranged combat, a sniper type of weapon. However, as intimidating as it may as well be, the gun has a number of funny-looking circular lenses lined up. Now that I think about it, that gun itself looks more like a toy or cartoon than anything remotely real. The whole image, of this girl my age wearing that colourful hat, wielding a cartoonish gun, crouching quietly on the edge of a flight of stairs while wearing the same uniform as me was... was rather... quite...

Arousing.

No, no, that's not right. She is certainly pretty to say the least, and I didn't expect to find anyone like her this soon at this school, but even so, that... that's just wrong. I can't get ahead of myself, not now.

"How long are you going to stare like that at me for?"

She suddenly spoke, without even turning her eyes to face me for a second. I can feel my cheeks flushing. Now that I think about it, I'm already pretty much right beside her. I didn't even realize that I got this close so quickly. How long was I really staring at her for? How long did she know I was there for? What if the unfortunate events from winding path repeat themselves? I don't really think of myself as a pervert, but I guess she would actually have some decent proof if she were to accuse me now-

"Well, do what you want. Just don't do anything intrusive."

"E-eh no! I'm sorry, I was just... I..."

What am I doing? I don't even know who she is, and she sure as hell doesn't know who I am, so what's the point of being so nervous? I have to say something, right now, or it's going to get even more awkward.

"I... I... What are you doing here?!"

Well shit. I tried. She's here to go to school, obviously. Why else would she be wearing the same uniform as me?

"Mmm. Angel should be coming out anytime now. I'm going to take her out this time. I absolutely will."

What?... Angel's coming out? She's going to "take her out"?... I gulp as a sharp chill runs down my spine. What kind of person did I just find? Is this really a student? What if she's a hired assassin from Noxus disguised to be a student in order to eliminate a high-value target in this town? "Angel" must be some top-secret codename for an important government figure that they want dead. I've heard about Noxians before. Urgot himself was trolling some guys a while back, and he was fat&ugly. Fatter than anything I'd ever seen. To think that this girl right in front of me could be like him... oh sweet lord that can't be possible. She's not fat, not at all, nor ugly. Sure, I haven't seen what's under that uniform (as splendid as that would be), but she can't possibly be fat&ugly like Urgot... right? I don't get how all that fat would fit in there, though she does seem to be doing fine with other large things she keeps tucked under that shirt- A-aaah! What am I thinking...

Even if she's not Urgot in disguise, she could still be dangerous. The hat... the gun... the gun might be the most potent of models hidden in the deepest underground armories made to resemble a child's toy to cover for its devastating power, while the overly large hat must be there to store the heads of her victims! Tears of pure terror begin to appear in the corners of my widened eyes. What the hell have I done to deserve this?

"She's here!..."

Her sudden exclamation catches me off guard, causing me to fall backward onto my bottom. A heinous, sinister glare came over her eyes. I whimpered with fear. Looking in the direction she was aiming, I can make out the vague shape of a person standing far in the distance, on the opposite end of the school grounds. The person seems so far away.

"H-he's too far! You'll, you're gonna miss!"

As if she could hear my thoughts, the girl with the hat takes her eyes off her gun's scope and extends her arm, holding the gun forward with only one hand. It's like I challenged her to shoot such a far target without even aiming.

"Me? Miss? Not by a long shot!"

Her arm extended with confidence, she fires an enormous bullet from her gun, the gunshot resonating and echoing in the distance. The bullet moves with unparalleled speed, with such force that it appeared to create a rift through the space it shredded through. A car, no, a tank wouldn't be unable to withstand such force. The bullet rips through the air, travelling a distance of at least 500 meters in an instant. Even an amateur like me who has no experience with this type of thing can tell that the girl's aim was perfect. Even without using the scope on her gun, while holding the gun with a single hand, she managed a shot of such precision across such a distance!...

The bullet connects. A brilliant flash of light surges from Angel, blinding me despite how far away I was. The girl beside me shields her eyes, but I am too mesmerized by both the shock and vividness of the cascading golden light before me to care. The initial flash dissipating, I can make out the distinct shape of a perfect yellow circle surrounding Angel.

A nerve-splitting crash. Regaining my senses, I look over towards the school. The bullet had ricocheted from the aura around Angel and collided devastatingly with a column nearby, the force of the impact so powerful that the entire column crumbled down. From the girl's shooting to the column's destruction, the entire scene had lasted for barely a quarter of a second. The person that the girl just tried to kill... Angel... not only reacted to, but completely blocked the bullet with godlike reflexes-

"Tsk. Too slow."

The girl beside me spoke as she lowered her gun and began to turn away.

"Another wasted opportunity... such a shame."

She's leaving. After camping outside the school during class, firing a gun at someone, and destroying part of the school building, she's just walking away as if nothing really happened.

I can't let her leave.

"W-who are you?!"

I need to know. Is she really an assassin from Noxus?

"Eh?"

She turns her head around with her eyebrows raised in surprise. Apparently she managed to forget that I was there.

"My name is Caitlyn. I'm the leader of the- AAAAAHH!1!... Ow..."

My eyes. My eyes...

The same girl that I had suspected to be a deadly Noxian assassin just clumsily tripped with me still sitting on the ground right behind her. She's still wearing her school uniform with that overly short skirt. I-I... I can see everything! This feeling..! Is this what they call "the light at the end of the tunnel"?!

"C-cupcake pant-"

She grabs the back of her skirt and desperately covers herself with it. Interestingly, her face is almost redder than the purple-haired girl from this morning-

"ERASE EVERYTHING YOU SAW FROM YOUR MIND THIS INSTANT!"

Right before she beat me across the face with the back of her gun, I could feel something strange welling up inside of me. Just now, I felt like something was growing in my body. It was weird feeling, and yet it almost felt so familiar. Like I've felt such a feeling all my life. Unfortunately for me, I crash painfully into the wall before getting to contemplate any more. I black out after getting owned by a girl for the second time that day.

I wake up with the bright afternoon sun in my eyes. I wriggle my arms and legs to check if they're broken. Things seem to be going well so far. I try to stand. My back is still sore from crashing into the wall, but I think I'll be okay. Looking around, I still don't see any students outside. On the bright side, it doesn't seem like school is over yet. Better late than absent. I make my way to the front door again and I step inside silently. A cool breeze hits me as soon as I enter, the air conditioning system doing its work. The school's insides look much more modest and reserved than its extravagant exterior. There's a large bulletin board right in the middle of the foyer, with several long lists stuck to it. Since it's the first day, it's probably a list of the students in each class. I decide to look for my own name.

"Ah."

Halfway down the list, I see a Caitlyn in the second-year class 2-B. So she really does go to this school. There's still the possibility of her being an undercover type of assassin, so I can't let my guard down around her yet. Moving down the list, I spot my own name in the class right after Caitlyn's, 2-C. I go through the names of my classmates. Unsurprisingly, I don't know any of them.

With that, I head off into an adjacent hallway in search of class 2-C. I didn't see any clocks yet, so I still have no idea what time it is. Chances are, I'll end up interrupting my class before my teacher hesitantly introduces the late new student. I wonder what my classmates will think of me.

2-A... 2-B... Here it is. Class 2-C. A tall blue door looms in front of me, daring me to open it. I can hear a single voice speaking inside the room, probably the teacher. I really am going to have to interrupt his class. Well, there's no helping it I guess... I put my hand on the doorknob and take a deep breath.

"E-excuse me!"

I yelled as loudly as I could to get the class's attention using all my courage. I waited for their response. It's perfectly understandable for them to be surprised at my sudden intrusion-

"What was that? I think someone's outside, let me go check."

I forgot to open the door.

I feel the knob turning from the other side as the teacher pulls the door open, but since I had put my weight on my hand, I fall into the room face-first.

"You... aren't you the transfer student?"

"Umm... yes, yeah I am, thanks you."

The fuck am I saying.

"Alright class! The transfer student I mentioned this morning has finally decided to show up! Now, introduce yourself."

The teacher looks very unlike the image of a typical high school teacher that I envisioned. He is wearing a brown suit with a white button-up dress shirt underneath along with blue pants and very large brown boots. He has quite a long beard. He's also blue.

I look around and take in the sight of a classroom full of people my age for the first time in my life. They're all wearing uniforms with blue collars identical to my own, but beyond that, the people in this class are diverse, to say the least. Some of them are extremely large, while others are just my size. Many of them have different skin colours, and some of them don't have skin at all. They're all sitting on chairs with their desks and everything, but some of them... I just really wonder how they manage to do things. For fuck's sake, there's a big blue scorpion with his back legs on the chair and his front legs up on his desk, and it's trying to pick up a pencil with its claws, only to make it roll away repeatedly. There's also a tree growing on one of the chairs, but nobody seems to notice it, so I pretend that I didn't either.

"Hi, everyone..."

I can feel everyone's eyes on me. I'm the centre of attention. A person like me, who barely survives day to day life on the streets, has the spotlight in such a place.

"...I live just south of here, I moved in recently..."

I think back to all the things that happened to me today. I've had an anime-like encounter with a girl who knocked me out by slapping me and also called me a pervert, I found a potential Noxian assassin, I witnessed an attempted murder that resulted in the destruction of school property, and I even saw panties with cupcakes on them.

"...I still don't know this area very well, but I'm doing my best..."

In the past few hours, I had more exciting experiences than I've probably had in the rest of life.

"...I'm sorry for being this late, I... I got lost..."

Maybe... just maybe... going to this school might be...

"...My name is Veigar. Please take care of me."

...Fun.


	2. A Rival Appears!

The classroom is silent.

My introduction seemed to be okay. I spotted an empty seat around the middle of the room, on the third row from the front. With everyone's eyes still on me, I slowly make my there, but as I begin to sit on the chair, I feel something warm move under me.

"Woah there, boy. I thought you were more of the shy type at first, but it looks like you're really aggressive, huh..."

"What the-?!"

I snap my head back to see the face of a random blue girl sitting on the same chair as me. Or, rather, I'm sitting on her lap.

"When did you get here? This seat was empty just now!"

"Hey, don't mind her, new guy. She just likes messing with people all the time."

A guy with an unnaturally rectangular head and excessively combed hair that reeked of hair gel speaks up from the seat in front of me. He has perfect posture and impossibly shiny white teeth along with clear blue eyes. He seems extremely clean and well-kept. If I didn't know better, I would think that his face is actually sparkling, but guys with sparkling faces don't really exist, right?

"Heeehh. Quiet Jayce. You're just jealous that your passive doesn't give you permastealth."

"Absolutely not! I would be overpowered if I had stealth, but then again, I'm already much more useful in teamfights than you are-"

"Jayce, Evelynn, that's enough! Veigar, it looks like we don't have an extra desk for you yet. There are be plenty in the storage room. Go find one."

The intimidating blue teacher figure motions for me to leave, clearly irritated that the interruption of his class is lasting longer than he had expected.

"Umm... okay... but, I don't know where that is..."

The teacher looks around the room as if looking for someone.

"Hmm… it doesn't seem like the class president is back yet, so-"

"I'LL TAKE HIM THERE! :D"

A blonde girl suddenly yells out with a beaming smile on her face as she leaps up from her seat and raises her hand up high. It was so sudden, I nearly fell. What does she find so exciting about going to the storage room to find a desk? Well, compared to the things that I've already seen today, this isn't so weird at all. Thus, the blonde girl and I embark on our quest to the storage room. Throughout the whole way, she never stopped smiling. That enormous grin she had on her face stayed plastered on. She even randomly giggles every now and then, which is seriously disturbing me at this point. Apparently, this person takes great amusement from taking new students to the storage room. Just what exactly is so funny? Instinctively, I put my hands on my face to check if there's anything on it. Nothing. I look myself up and down. Same as always, and yet, this girl just won't stop smiling. Perhaps it's not anything on me that's funny, but me myself that's funny. In that case, wouldn't she be what people call a "bully"?

I don't really have any experience with these "bullies". Sure, there were plenty of mean people on the streets, but they don't usually want to associate themselves with you after you give them what they want. Then they just leave you alone, since you're still just a stranger. But in schools, it's different. Classmates don't just leave. Even if they aren't in the same class as you, they'll still be in the same building as you every day. If you give these people what they want, they'll just come back for more, because you aren't a stranger. And it's easy to find you again.

This girl that volunteered to take me to the storage room… just what exactly does she plan on doing to me once we get there? She seemed awfully enthusiastic and insistent back in the classroom. If she really is one of these "bullies", then I can't just let her do what she will with me. I have to fight back.

But how? She made it evident that she wanted herself, and herself alone, to take me to the storage room. If she just wanted to bully me, anyone could've simply gone to help me find a desk. She can bully me at any time, but it seemed like she really needed things to happen the way they did. That's it- she has a plan. Some sort of plan to completely ruin my life while I'm here, that's what "bullies" do, I think. But if that's the case, then she must have predicted that I may realize what she's doing, so she probably has countermeasures in case if I try to fight back. I have no choice. It looks like I'll have to play it safe for now.

Meanwhile, she still hasn't stopped smiling. She's even laughing out loud now. This girl must be thinking that her plan will continue uninterrupted, causing her to become even more terrifyingly eccentric. I still have no idea what she wants to do with me, and that scares me even more.

Suddenly, she stops walking.

I look side to side. There aren't any doors here. We haven't arrived at the storage room. So why would she stop? I turn around. No classrooms or windows for as far as I could see. This particular hall is completely isolated.

Nobody can hear me scream.

Realizing this, I quickly turn back towards the girl. She's still standing still, and she stopped laughing. The hallway is fully silent now.

"We've almost reached the storage room."

She suddenly speaks. This is the first time I've heard her talk in a normal voice. Her voice sounds much brighter and lighter than those of the bitchslap person and Caitlyn. It's one of those voices that can make the most tragic of things sound happy. Looking at her, her appearance very much matches her voice as well. Her blonde hair is very clean and smooth; her skin is perfect, absolutely spotless. She has small shoulders and a skinny figure that gives off an aura of delicacy. This isn't exactly the same as the image of a stereotypical school bully that I had. Just as I'm about to speak, she yells again.

"OHH! HOW COULD I FORGET?!"

She facepalms in an exaggerated manner. If it weren't for these circumstances, she would actually be really cute-

"I forgot to introduce myself! I already know who you are, Vei-chan, but I'll bet you don't know who I am!~~ ;3"

She spins around on her heel to face me while leaning forward with her hands together behind her back. She's grinning madly again. And she's absolutely right. I have no idea who she is.

But more importantly…

WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NAME IS VEI-CHAN?! WHAT… HOW DO I RESPOND TO THIS?

**(A/N: "-chan" is a common Japanese name ending generally used with someone's name to express affection. More often used with female names.)**

She begins taking steps towards me while putting her hands on her hips.

"Come on, think reeeeeaally hard, Vei-chan! I'm sure you'll remember me if you try hard enough!"

Uh, no I won't.

"Veiiii-chaaaann! You didn't really forget about me, did you?!"

Oh shit. She looks like she's gonna cry. Her hands are raised in front of her chin now, as if pleading me to remember her, and her eyes look like they've started tearing up. She's got a puppy-dog face on. I have a feeling that if I don't say something good right now, I'm going to regret it.

"I... um... yeah! Of course I remember you! Aha..."

Faster than I believe to be humanly possible, the girl's expression instantaneously changes to a joyful one with sparkling eyes that somehow seemed to grow exponentially to fill half her face.

"REAAAAAALLLLYYY? OH VEI-CHAN, I KNEW YOU WOULD! 3"

"Yep... ahaha..."

This is dangerous. I can't keep this up for long. As soon as she asks for her name I'm-

"So you remember my name too right? :'DDD"

Fuck.

Think, Veigar, think. There has to be a way out of this. She said that we're almost at the storage room. Maybe if I lock myself in, then she won't be able to reach me. Yes, that'll work! Wait, that means I'll be trapped inside without food, and she'll just be camping outside... no, I can't use that idea. Oh! But what if I lock HER inside? Then I can make my getaway unobstructed! It's perfect! A masterplan! Now all I have to do is bait her inside. I still don't know where the storage room is myself, but if I only need to keep moving through this hallway, then I should be fine!

"C-catch me if you can!"

With that lame outburst, I drag my stumpy little legs off the ground and run like I never have in my life past the girl and down the hall, zipping around the corner.

"OHHH! YOU REALLY DO REMEMBER! WE USED TO PLAY THIS GAME ALL THE TIME! I'M SO HAPPY! I'VE FANTASIZED ABOUT DOING THIS WITH YOU AGAIN! I'M COMING, VEI-CHAN!"

I really hope I didn't just somehow make things worse. But, it's too late to turn back now. I have to keep running. Briefly turning my head to look behind me, I see the girl sprinting after me with her arms outstretched, closing the distance between us with astounding speed.

"Hah... hah... shit... I have to be faster... Faster... hah!..."

I'm not athletic at all. I'm really quite weak from not getting to eat much every day, and even though the family I'm currently with is really generous, I'm still pretty much a vegetable with legs. If only I could be stronger... then, I wouldn't need to run from this girl anymore. If I were strong, I wouldn't need to run away from anything anymore!

But, it's hopeless. I was born and raised without a roof over my head. My parents are both dead. Nobody really cares for me. Just barely managing to survive every day is all I can ever do with my own power. I'm never able to do anything more than that. I can't do anything special. I always fail.

...Just like that time back then...

"VEI-CHAN!"

She's getting really close now. It looks like there's another turn coming up. If I can juke her here-!

Pushing myself past the limits of exhaustion, I speed up once more to dash around the corner and slide below a water fountain. I just hope to God that she doesn't look down. Luckily enough for me, she just zooms past my hiding spot with her arms still hanging in front of her. She's in an unbelievable state of focus. I haven't seen her blink yet, but I'm sure it's just me. Lying back, I rest my head against the wall as I gather my breath. I feel so powerless. It would be so simple to just get up and face her and say, "I'm sorry, I really don't remember you, please stop bothering me." But I can't. I don't want to do that. I'm afraid.

I don't remember very much of my childhood, but this one memory has always been kept safe in the back of my head. It's from back when my parents were still alive. I didn't have a proper home then either, but with my parents by my side, we always figured something out. I didn't have to start freeloading until I was by myself. There was this friendly neighbourhood that we lived close to for a while, and I would often play with the other kids there on sunny days. We must've had countless adventures and we must've done so many fun things. There was a park in that neighbourhood. A really big park. It wasn't just one of those ordinary parks with just a couple of slides and a seesaw. There were castles, there were forts, there were jungles, the park itself seemed to be a whole new world just for me. I hadn't been one of the happiest children alive up to that point. The park meant so much to me. It wasn't just a new world where I could be happy, but it was a place where my friends, some of the only ones I've had in my life, could also be happy with me.

In the middle of that park, overlooking every one of its structures, was an enormous tree. It was bigger than anything I had ever seen. Looking back at it now, it's obvious that I must've seen skyscrapers and office buildings much taller than the tree, but it didn't seem that way to me at that time. In all of its natural glory, it just seemed so much stronger and majestic than anything else in the city. The way it towered above the rest of the park made it seem like it was a guardian, a celestial protector that would keep my special little world away from harm. Thus, my friends and I came to call it the World Tree.

But, as good as everything was, nothing ever changed. Every day would be the exact same as the day before it. The same jokes would be told. The same games would be played. Having tasted true happiness for one of the only times in my life, I couldn't stop wanting more. I became reckless. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, to throw caution to the winds and embrace my carefree instincts. I wanted my bonds with my new friends to become even greater, and I wanted to do even more fun and adventurous things.

At that time, I didn't know what exactly came over me. I had decided to climb the giant tree in the middle of the park. It was easily the height of an ordinary apartment complex. There was no feasible way for me to have climbed it with such a small and weak body. But, I didn't believe I would fail. I would climb the World Tree, and my friends would all be amazed. Then, they would try climbing it after me, and soon, we would all be at the top, far above the city. It would really be our own special world then.

"Um... excuse me... what are you doing down there?..."

Jumping a bit from the unexpected question and hitting my head on the fountain in the process, I look up to see someone very familiar standing above me with a huge stack of paperwork in her hands. We realize who each other are at the same time.

"I-it's you! You go to this school?"

The purple-haired girl from this morning had the nerve to bitchslap me and call me a pervert without even bothering to notice that I was wearing her school's uniform.

"Of course I do… Just what do you want?"

This is dangerous. If the blonde girl comes back and sees bitchslap talking to me, she'll catch me for sure. As soon as she comes back to this hallway-

"Heeeyy Morgana! Have you seen Vei-chan from my class anywhere?"

Fuck.

I urgently poke bitchslap's foot to get her attention.

"Hide me!"

She nods and turns back towards the blonde girl. Just as I'm about to breathe a sigh of relief, she suddenly kicks her heel back right into my face and pushes my whole body down into the floor with her foot. I would've let out a cry of pain if it weren't for the shoe in my mouth. In this position, I can't look anywhere but straight up because I'm too cramped to move at all. But… by looking up… in this position, with bitchslap standing directly above me…!

"U-um… Vei-chan, you say? May I ask who that is?"

I-it's just like what happened with Caitlyn! I can see it! I can see everything! But this time, bitchslap is standing right above me, so it's even clearer! B-b-bear panties! The cute design is almost too much for me to handle. I'm getting that feeling again… that strange feeling I felt throughout the insides of my body with Caitlyn is back again. Something's growing inside of me. Something big. But I don't feel any different on the outside, so it can't be THAT that's growing…

"Vei-chan? Hmm… Vei-chan is… Vei-chan is…"

From my awkward position clumped in the wall crevice under the fountain and bitchslap's foot, I could see the formation of a seriously disturbed expression on bitchslap's face. I can only imagine what the blonde girl is doing as she's chanting my name like that.

"Vei-chan is… very special to me… Mmmm…"

Now I'm getting disturbed.

"Ah… haha, I'm sure he is, Lux. Um, I'm sorry but I haven't seen him here. Not at all. Sorry. You should go check the other way."

"Hm… Is that right…"

The blonde girl, apparently her name is Lux, sounds really depressed out of a sudden. She's really good at randomly changing her emotional state... She probably isn't always like this. Maybe it's her time of month. My dad used to tell me all kinds of stuff about mom when I was really young. At least Lux isn't bleeding all over the place.

"Ok, it's safe now, you can come out."

Bitchslap slowly pulls her foot out of my face and steps to the side. I rub the corners of my mouth gingerly and slowly make my way up. Then, out of the blue, bitchslap grabs my throat and shoves me against the wall violently before glaring at me with such a furious expression that fire seemed to be coming out of her eyes.

"You… After what you did to me this morning, I now find out you've been doing things to my best friend too?! You beast! Lecher! Slug! Predator! Sex offender! Outcast! Pedophile! Necrophiliac! You're the worst! Go die!"

…Wow?

I am definitely not a necrophiliac. I have never even touched a dead person in my life, let alone done anything inappriopriate with one. There is no way I would enjoy doing such things to a corpse, that's just completely wrong, absolutely horrendous-

"Ohhh! I forgot to tell you something Morgana! About the-"

Oh fuck me…

Lux's eyes light up and grow exponentially once more.

"VEI-CHAN! There you are! You've gotten really good at this game, haven't you? Did you practice? Were you that excited just to see me again?! Oh Vei-chan!"

Shit, she's coming again! I swing my pathetic little legs in the air to no effect while bitchslap continues to hold me against the wall by my throat. With bitchslap in this mood, she's not going to let me get away again. Lux is approaching fast. Up to now, I still haven't figured out what she wants to do with me in the storage room, but at this point in time, I'm very, VERY scared of what it is. Fuck, this is bad. Lux is coming even faster, and I'm still hopelessly snared against the wall, Lux is coming, fuck fuck fuck, she's so close-!

"I GOT YOU NOW, VEI-CHAN!"

Accepting my inevitable demise, I shut my eyes tightly and wait. But nothing happens. I feel bitchslap's grip loosen around my neck. Something's happening.

"Ranked match, set!"

I open my eyes to a blinding flash of light coming from the middle of the hallway. A strange force radiates outwards from it, transforming the entire hallway. The plain, white walls are now a neon purple, with green and yellow streaks of light running vertically through the air. The floor and ceiling become covered with a green grid. This colourful new place no longer resembles the school hallway at all. Suddenly, twin glittering lances of light shoot out of nowhere, each aimed at either Lux or bitchslap, but they dodge them easily. The initial cluster of light in the middle of the hall recedes to reveal a single figure. She's short. Very short. Maybe even around my height. She has a long, pointy hat on her head, with a matching purple and yellow dress. More astounding still are the long, colourful butterfly wings protruding from her back. They don't even move, and yet she's floating in the air so effortlessly.

"P-president…"

Even bitchslap seems to be subdued by the presence of this person. A president, huh? President of what? I remember the teacher mentioning that our class president was absent before I left for the storage room... there's no way that this floating person with wings is our class president…

Before I could even think about the possibility, she floats her way towards me and raises her hand to my chin and holds my face with her fingers, as if admiring a small, handheld treasure.

"Hm. I was right all along, Pix. He is the one I've been looking for."

**(A/N: After two chapters of absolute fluff, the plot is finally going to begin ;D)**


	3. If this happened every time he auto'd

"Hm. I was right all along, Pix. He is the one I've been looking for."

Being the homeless street dweller that I've been for the majority of my life, I've encountered my share of dubious fellows who sell their sketchy products with promises to "lift your woes away and carry you into a land of bliss". My parents told me that taking such products would make me crazy and see confusing things. Currently, there's a funky person with butterfly wings floating in front of me, and the walls have turned purple. I wonder who drugged me.

"Glitterlance!"

The butterfly suddenly launches twin lasers out of a stick and blasts a gaping hole in the roof. With that, she keeps her grip on my cheeks with one hand while she ascends through the air. I don't even struggle back, eager to see where this unexpected drug trip is taking me. We appear out the other end of the tunnel soon enough, her lasers having plowed through two stories' worth of concrete. She drops me off onto the roof of the school before lowering herself to my level. The floor here is still purple, and somehow, the sky is tainted by this shift in colour as well.

"Your name is Veigar, right? You're the one I've been looking for."

You don't say.

"I don't think you've seen me before, have you? I'm your class president."

Oh crap, it really is true. In a class where having invisible people and trees growing on chairs are acceptable, I really should've expected the class president to be a butterfly. Actually, that still doesn't make any sense.

"You can probably tell already, but I don't look like this in real life."

You fucking better not.

"The reason why everything looks so different is because we are no longer in the real world that you're used to, Veigar. This world, or rather, this version of our world, is known as a ranked game. You must have realized long before I found you that this school isn't normal. This is not a regular high school. League of Funbun Collegiate Institute was created to train highly talented individuals and develop their abilities."

This long-winded explanation doesn't seem very trippy to me. It's too bad that nobody drugged me (that's a great thing to say, but I'll probably never repeat those words again in my life).

The butterfly turns to gaze out at the town below as she continues to explain.

"People come from all over to attend this school, and I'm sure you've noticed the diversity as well."

I certainly wouldn't see people like you in most places, that's for sure.

"Then… there aren't many actual classes here if the whole point is just to train people like you said."

"Yes. Therefore, there is a unique grading and testing system in this school."

"And that's exactly what this ranked game thing is all about, right?"

The butterfly appears to grin for a brief moment before turning her face back towards me.

"I know your name, but you don't know mine, right? I'm Lulu, and this is Pix."

The tiny pixie that's been floating about above her head does a back flip at the sound of her name. I wish I had a pixie doing back flips above my head.

"Each student in this school has their own ELO ranking which represents how well they've been doing in ranked games. Victories reward you with ELO, while losses subtract it. This system is what the ranked games run on."

"So, what's my ELO?"

"Yours is the default ELO given to new students, 1200. Of course, there are plenty of people with less than 1200 ELO as well. Anyway, ranked games can't be started by just anyone. Only teachers, administrators, and student council members can initiate ranked games, so there's never multiple games going on at the same time. However, regardless of who started the ranked game, everyone in it changes to their ranked mode appearances, and they also gain access to their unique ranked abilities. These are abilities that are exclusive to each member of this school because they are created by simulating an exponential increase in each member's experience, skill, and power with a high degree of accuracy."

"So ranked abilities are abilities that people are going to have in the future?"

"Yes."

"…I have a question. These abilities…"

Ranked abilities… I recall the Caitlyn incident from this morning, the way her aim and the force of her bullet seemed so unbelievably strong. And then there was that one other student, Angel, who completely deflected the bullet with that golden shield. If ranked abilities are abilities that people are going to have anyway…

"…It's possible to use them in real life, isn't it?"

I struck a nerve. Lulu's eyebrow twitches visibly, and her grin disappears. What I just said must mean something to her, but something tells me she wouldn't want me to press any further.

"No. You're wrong. That is not possible. None of the students in this school are experienced enough to use their abilities in real life. Dismiss that idea immediately."

A loud smashing noise suddenly rips through the air, scaring the crap out of me. Lulu, on the other hand, looks perfectly composed. I turn just in time to see the metal door leading to the stairwell fly off into the distance as a girl with a mace riding on a giant pig charged her way onto the roof. I don't remember seeing a giant pig in my class…

"Ahh! What the hell is that?"

Lulu takes a few steps backwards towards the edge of the roof and starts watching me and the pig person as if she were a spectator.

"Ranked match…"

"Um… Lulu?..."

"Begin!"

Without a hint of hesitation, the pig lets out a bloodthirsty roar and charges full speed towards me, the girl swinging her mace above her head.

"Heads-up, rookie!"

My instincts taking over, I leap to the right. The pig's curved tusks barely graze me. If I was even a millisecond slower, I would've been gored for sure. Another charge. I twist my body and attempt to jump away again, but the sheer force of the wind pressure from the pig rushing past me makes me lose my balance and knocks me over. The pig turns sharply and runs in a crescent shape before coming back to charge me again, while I'm still on the ground. Desperately, I put all my strength into a fast barrel roll to barely save myself from being trampled. That Lulu, she's thrown me right into a ranked game even though she just explained them to me!-

"Heh! Looks like you've got some reflexes, rookie! But just dodging away all the time won't get you any closer to beating me!"

I hastily pull myself to my feet to see the pig right up in my face already. I try to dive away again, but this time I'm not so lucky. The pig lowers its tusks below my legs and flips them up while I'm in midair, causing me to flip upwards and meet a direct hit from its rider.

…

"…Morgana…"

"No."

"Morgana…"

"NO."

Morgana strained to drag her foot, and Lux, across the floor. This has been going on for quite a while now. After Lulu instantaneously appeared and flew away with Veigar, Lux had been trying in vain to get Morgana to help her find Veigar again.

"Ughh! How can you possibly care so much about that disgusting midget? He's so ugly, and stupid, and-"

"No! You're wrong Morgana! You don't know him! You don't know anything about him!"

"Then what do you suppose you know about him?"

…

"Ungghh!"

The mace sends my body flying through the air. My ribs feel broken. This ranked game thing is sort of like a game, so the pain must be simulated. But for the pain to feel this real… just what does this school want us to do?

"Hahaha! What's wrong, rookie? Can't even take one hit? Here I was, actually thinking that you could hurt me, but you aren't so much of a mage after all!"

A mage? Since when did I…

Wait. Lulu has butterfly wings. This girl has a giant pig. Something about me must've changed as well when this ranked game started! I look down at my hands. To my surprise, they're covered with steel gauntlets with sharp fingers. I'm wearing a matching pair of steel boots and some sort of purple robe. Turning my body over, I spot a large purple wizard's hat on the ground a little ways to my left. It must've been knocked off my head when the girl struck me. That hat is probably what made her think that I'm a mage.

But funny hat or not, I still don't know any magic. Lulu and this girl's changes each reflected their own abilities to some extent, so why am I like this? I can't do anything!

A light drizzle. It had been raining that day. The scent of wet grass floated upon the hazy mist. Dark objects towered above me. But, the place was devoid of buildings, and the sky was clear. They were people. Facing the humility of my silence, the tall figures surrounded me one after another. Something's mouth opens, an odorless phrase. The tongues of their jests were extinguished by the rain. It had been raining that day. The rain got stronger. The soundless echoes of their voices came as a maelstrom of white. The rain grew, as the voices grew, as the rain grew. The rain drowned.

Point is, all the dipshit scumbags made fun of me back in the day cause I was short as fuck.

Did I have to be born so small and insignificant? Why can't I have good traits like the other kids? Some of them were smart, instant geniuses in the maths and sciences. Others were athletic, leaping distances I could only hope to walk. I was locked in the prison of my own being.

…

"…So that's how it is."

Morgana murmurs to herself after Lux fled on her own to reach Veigar.

"I guess he really is special to her after all."

Without even realizing it, Morgana begins to feel ever so slightly dejected. Had anyone else been there, they would've said that her eyes became noticeably sadder as she spoke. But, as sad as she may have looked for a moment, she instantly flared up once more.

"Ughh! That stupid midget! It's his first day and he's already causing so much trouble… Geez!..."

And with that, she tsuntsun'd away after Lux.

…

"Veigar! What are you doing?!"

A voice shriller than it usually is snaps my thoughts back to the present.

"You aren't going down so easily! The ranked system doesn't make mistakes! Put that hat on and rise! Rise higher than anyone else, Veigar!"

…

"_Rise higher than anyone else, Veigar!"_

Lying on the muddied grass, I peered up to the face which covered the darkness of the sky. That's right. This isn't the first time this happened to me.

"_Higher than any of the tall kids! You're the one who will rise the highest, Veigar!"_

Shifting my head, I felt the rough texture of the huge root beneath me. The World Tree was right there. The highest of the high, a being of greatness exceeding all else.

"_Become the best, Veigar! Go higher than anyone's ever been!"_

People have flown in planes for years. People have been among the stars and beyond our planet. Yet, I could go higher, farther than anyone else.

…So I climbed it.

…

"Veigar!"

Clenching my fists, I hold my pain in my throat as I launch myself from the floor towards the hat. In a single swift motion, I sweep the hat into my hand and fit it firmly onto my head. Instantly, that strange feeling washes over me, the same one I had when Caitlyn smacked me and when bitchslap stood over me. It feels so empowering, and yet so hard to describe.

Suddenly, it got really damn windy.

"Kyaaaa!~"

Lulu's skirt just got blown up by the upward draft. Black lace.

That feeling is back again. And what's more is that it feels like it's actually grown a bit. I can distinctly feel energy welling up inside of me now.

"Y-y-you didn't see anything, right?! Tell me you didn't see!"

"You have my word, Lulu."

I wink back at her as she opens her mouth again, but unexpectedly, she shuts up and blushes lightly.

The pig is charging at me again, clearly intent on finishing me off. But this time, I don't feel the need to run away anymore. I stare down the pig head-on as it picks up speed. I can almost feel the crushing of my bones against the pig's tusks already, but I ignore the feeling and concentrate on the energy I inside of me.

It's a balancing act. The power welling up in my body feels like it could explode violently at any time, yet it begins fading as soon as I try to stop controlling it. The pig ran a distance of around 200 meters in a matter of seconds. It's dangerously close now. It's too late to even try dodging at this point. In that case!-

"Hahaha! You're done for now, rookie!"

I focus all my power into my right arm. I can feel the current of energy picking at my nerves as it flows through my blood. A yellow and green sphere begins to materialize in my outstretched palm, blistering sparks firing off in all directions. I have a fraction of a second before the pig collides with me.

I never knew how to perform magic, and I still don't think I do, yet this feeling feels as natural to me as breathing. My eyes lock on to the pig's rider's form. Curves, barely covered sensitive areas, and everything nice. Today is the day! I'm going to blast her into the sky with my own power!

…Impact.

…

"VEI-CHAN!"

Having heard Veigar's cries of pain, Lux had sprinted up the stairs to the roof as fast as she could, with Morgana struggling to catch up behind her. The sounds became louder as Lux became closer and closer to the fight. As she ran, her extraordinary stamina finally showing signs of giving out. Her breaths became short, fast, out of rhythm. Finally, she reached the top of the staircase, and saw that there was no longer a door on the door hinges. She pushed herself to run the final few metres and saw the rear view of an enormous pig and its rider charging full-speed towards something.

"NO! VEI-CHAN!"

"Hah…hah… no, Lux, wait!"

"FINALES…"

"LUX!"

"FUNKELN!"

**(A/N: Final Spark sounds so lame.)**


	4. Worthy debut for the Tiny Master of Evil

"FINALES…"

Lux's staff flies forth from her side and spins rapidly, drawing in heat energy from its surroundings to create a blinding vortex of flaming light.

"Lux, no! Stop!"

"…FUNKELN!"

The borders of space twist and bend in impossible ways to the light's will as it ferociously rips through the school roof launching molten debris everywhere. Nothing would be able to escape its grasp. Both Veigar and the girl on the pig are consumed mercilessly.

"**BLUE TEAM DOUBLE KILL!"**

The calm, robotic female voice rings through the air, announcing an impossible result of a 1v1 ranked match.

The long trail of incinerated concrete had cut a deep gash through the roof. Lulu descends silently, having flown upwards to dodge Lux's laser. Morgana finally reaches the top of the stairs, and her eyes widen at the devastation in front of her. A mound of well done pork is lying motionless on the scorched roof with a unconscious girl beside it. And, behind them, Veigar laid flat on his back with his arms and legs stretched out. But, he wasn't finished yet. Feebly, he wills his eyelids to part one last time. Blotches of shifting colour blind his vision, the massive laser having temporarily disrupted his eyes.

"_What… happened?.. I… so dizzy…"_

Feeling his consciousness beginning to slip, Veigar struggles to lift his hand up in front of his face. It's quite burned.

"**Blue team victory. The following students' Leagues have changed: Veigar, Sejuani. Refer to to to to the League chart for de-de-de-details. Fazzzzzz- zzkaaawwzzzzz..."**

Veigar's mind was spinning too quickly to even register what the announcer said as he finally passed out.

"What the-?! What happened to the announcer? It's not working anymore!"

Lulu rushes to Lux with a look of fury on her face.

"You! Why do you think I took Veigar up here and left you back downstairs? I knew you would ruin everything!"

Lux looked back with a mixture of confusion and desperation.

"Ehh?! I didn't do anything wrong! I heard Vei-chan up here, I'm certain of it! Someone was hurting him!"

"Well, that's sure to happen in a ranked match you stupid idiot! But you just had to come and kill both Veigar AND Sejuani, and now the system thinks Veigar got a double kill in a 1v1! Do you understand what you've done?!"

Morgana ran over to Lux's side with a serious expression on her face.

"Lux, Lulu, what is going on here?"

"Morgana… Oh, there's no time to explain. The League chart, I have to go see it now!"

…

It's hot. Really, really hot. Lancing beams of sunlight slip through the hastily closed blinds and cover the room, blinding my vision. Some of the beams are directly hitting my body, but they actually don't feel very hot at all. If the sun isn't this hot thing, then what…

"I see you have awakened. Good morning sir."

I feel breath on the back of my neck. What exactly is going on?

"Would you care for any refreshments sir?"

"…Ah…"

My throat is so dry, I can't even speak.

"Sir?"

There's some light shuffling behind me. I roll my body over to find a girl in a white outfit lying beside me. She has dark brown hair and a slightly cartoonish white hat. She looks like a nurse. Although I wouldn't be one to question her expertise, the awkwardness of her nurse apparel almost makes it look like some sort of costume.

"…Cos…play?..."

"Root beer? Absolutely sir. Please excuse me."

The nurse abruptly gets off the bed and leaves through a large draping screen, the kind you see in hospital rooms. I feel so confused and disconnected from the world right now. How did I get here? Why was there a person in nurse cosplay lying beside me? Why would there ever be Root beer in a hospital room? I was fighting that pig-riding person with a mace on the roof of the school with Lulu in my first ranked game. I remember getting thrown around by that giant pig and that's about it. I probably lost. That's why I'm here. Looking around, I can see the school's front yard through the window in between the blinds. A sign on the far wall says, "Infirmary," in large red letters. It looks like the room I'm in is part of the school. I guess my injuries aren't terribly serious then. I gingerly shift my arms back and forth. Nothing broken. This is just like that time when Caitlyn smacked me into a wall this morning.

I step off the bed as I check the time on a clock beside the Infirmary sign. It's now 2:05. Looks like I missed quite a bit. Well, this has certainly been one productive first day of school.

As I begin to take my leave, the brown-haired nurse person comes running back with a can of root beer in her hand.

"Sir, you're up already? Here is the root beer you wanted."

I reach out and claim my free goods, drinking a large mouthful of the liquid to clear my throat.

"Eh… thanks. I guess I'd best be going now-"

"Ah! No, sir, you can't! It's dangerous out there!"

Is it Dead Space out there? Didn't think so. No necromorphs, no worries.

"Sir! You mustn't push yourself! Please stay!"

She's tugging on my arm now. Some nurse she is! I'm going to spill my free goods at this rate. Her outfit really is just for show after all.

"Sir! A-aahh!"

What is it now- OHH MY GOD!

The nurse tripped on her own feet, and she's still holding my arm, so she's taking me down with her! I… I'm going to spill the root beer! Gah! I hate it when things don't go according to plan! Quickly my free goods, save yourself!

In my final seconds of remaining upright, I hurled my free can of root beer skyward, with all my strength. Time seemed to slow down to a crawl in these few seconds of judgement, as the free goods soared brilliantly, not a single drop wasted as I closed my eyes while falling to my cold demise at the ceramic tile floor-

"Kyaaa!"

Obviously, the can had to flip upside-down in the air and spill all of its contents onto the nurse's clean white outfit that she probably owns only one of, one that she toils to iron and make wrinkle-free every day, and one that she washes by hand until the cotton fibres sparkle without even using soap.

It's very interesting though. Through the loss of my free root beer, I get to experience what is essentially the pinnacle of the most extraordinary wet t-shirt contest. The benefits certainly outweigh the costs, and this particular transaction was a very pleasurable one indeed. I just stand there in silence for a few moments as the nurse covered with root beer is apparently struggling to grasp what just went down on her, in a very literal sense. I hardly even notice the tingling sensation in my body that I've grown accustomed to by now. Within its peculiarity, there's this prevalent feeling of belonging and of anxious comfort. And every time this has happened to me, when I saw Caitlyn's cupcake-patterned garments, bitchslap's bear panties, when I put that hat on while fighting the girl on the pig, I felt like something inside of me began to grow. I'm not sick. There's nothing wrong with me. Somehow, I can believe that with nothing short of confidence. This feeling, whatever it is, is a part of my being. It belongs with me.

"…You… you…"

The nurse hurriedly covers her chest in embarrassment. Her face abruptly darkened as her hair draped forward, covering most of her face. When did she start looking so scary?

"All I wanted was to help… but you…"

Her voice became rough and menacing all of a sudden. I guess this is another observation I can make about this growing feeling that I keep having: whenever I feel this way, someone in this school is about to do something horrible to me.

As if on cue, the nurse instantly reveals some sort of short axe-like weapon from behind her back and flings it at me in a single fluid motion. The blade barely scratches my left cheek as it spins through the air and embeds itself into the wall with a sickening crack. She missed on purpose. I would've died right there and then.

"You… You disgusting pervert!"

The nurse raises her head while covering her chest with her arm as her cheeks flushed. Damn it, I never even do these things on purpose. And she seems to believe that she's the only one who's been hurt by this, but she has to realize that it was _my_ free root beer that made her shirt beautifully wet when tap water would've sufficed. That didn't come out right. I bet some bearded old guy in the heavens is laughing at me right now.

Suddenly, the nurse pulled her hand back and reached into her white stockings to find a second one of those mini axes. It had not occurred to me that being able to hide axes in your stockings was a necessary tool of the trade for a nurse. It must be the recession.

Just like before, the nurse shows no hesitation as she pulls out her axe and flings it at me with deadly speed. The handle of the axe immediately becomes a swirling blur as it rushes straight towards me. She's aiming to kill this time. If I had 100 gold for every near-death situation I've faced today, I'd be able to afford my own house.

Then, at the instant that the axe is a hair's width away from horrifyingly distorting my facial features, the sound of someone shouting "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" fills my ears and a sphere of purple envelops me. The axe bounces off the purple sphere harmlessly and at that very moment, a tall figure clad in a dark blue ninja outfit materializes in front of me. I steal a glance at his face, but all I see is a blue mask with solid, unblinking yellow eyes. Just as the nurse turns to retrieve her axe, the ninja suddenly dashes across the room without even moving his feet and bumps right into the nurse in the process.

"Ow! What the hell! What's your problem?!"

The nurse turns away from her axe and starts to slap the ninja repeatedly instead.

"Who do you think you are, huh? Stupid punk!"

I don't know, but if this guy is so professional that he can force people to slap him by bumping into them, then hasn't he just completely revolutionized hand-to-hand fighting? Solid Snake's CQC would have nothing on this. EVEN THAT RIDICULOUSLY BROKEN UP-TILT

"Akali. I have previously warned you about your proposed methods of maintaining your inner spiritual balance. It makes no difference to me if you wish to be easily aggravated half the time, and… provocative the other half, but I have warned you about the destruction of property and of peoples' faces as a result of your extreme personalities. Please apologize to this innocent young man this instant."

Watch out creepy nurse-lady, we've got a badass over here. But on a brighter note, I am so happy that someone in this stupid school is finally on my side. Well, someone respectable at least.

Somewhere far, far away, Lux sneezed.

"Achoo~"

"Huh? Lux, are you cold?"

"I don't know Morgana… I just feel like someone's saying some really offensive things about me."

Anyway, I don't really feel tired or anything anymore. The nurse person, apparently her name is Akali, suddenly got a really dangerous look on her face. I should probably just leave this infirmary place now…

"By the way, Shen. That kid you're defending… he snuck a peek at my boobs."

Wooow, really? That shit was totally her fault.

I whipped around and was about to explain the situation, but it was already too late. Shen already covered half the distance of the room in a split second. His eyes still look as solid and as yellow as ever, but even an amateur like me can tell the guy's pissed.

"You must not disrupt the balance. The Kinkou Order has no forgiveness for lecherous vermin. Observe this demonstration of superior judgement."

He suddenly sounds so much less awesome when he's after my ass. Time to dip.

Not hesitating for a second, I quickly shove the doors open and sprint down the hallway with all my strength. I don't even look behind me to see where Shen is, in fear of finding him right behind me. I want to at least try to believe that I can escape him, even though he's a flippin' ninja.

…

Meanwhile, League chart was surrounded by countless students bustling about and gossiping about "this Veigar guy", who had, according to the chart, gotten a double kill in a 1v1 and instantly went from Bronze league to Gold league with a single game. The amount of LP Veigar got was intense.

"The shit? This new guy got a double kill in a 1v1? Did he, like, kill himself after nabbing first blood? How do you even do that? What a loser."

A pink-haired girl with giant robotic fists stuck her chin out and narrowed her eyes as she leaned forward to get a closer look of the League chart.

"Well, however it happened, this Veigar character seems to be quite dangerous. We had best keep an eye on him, Vi."

Caitlyn took out a pocket-sized notebook and a pen to take notes as she spoke.

"Jeez, Cait, you're so damn serious all the time. This Veigar person is probably just another push over."

"As the leader of Caitlyn's Hunters, I cannot afford to overlook any potential threats. You should know that by now Vi."

"Yeah, well, the only reason why we're in Plat is cause of me, ain't it? Knocking these kids around all day is nothing!"

As if to emphasize her point, Vi swings one of her enormous fists at a random passerby, sending him smashing into the wall with a terrible crushing noise. The room suddenly went silent.

"Vi! Behave yourself! What did I tell you about punching Heimerdinger?!"

"Chill out yo. Heimey and I are tight. He doesn't care if I give him a friendly pat on the back every now and then. Right, Heimey?"

Heimerdinger's motionless body slowly falls forward out of the crater in the wall and lands with a cold thud onto the floor. Unanimously, all the bystanders turned their heads away from the unnerving sight.

"Haha! Say no more, Heimey, good old pal! Ya see, Cait? It's all good!"

"…Well then. I suppose I'll made a note of this. Heimerdinger's Rageborn of the Bronze league is going to be missing a member now. Or rather, their only member. Though this is some sort of progress towards our goal of reaching the top of the League ladder, we still need to find a way to beat the currently highest-ranked team."

"The Angels, was it? I swear, that's all you talk about. One of these days, you're going to do something really drastic that I'm going to end up getting into trouble for. Like, knowing you, you might actually end up trying to shoot some poor kid just to get the team out of the picture."

Caitlyn suddenly froze up.

"Hm. Yes. That would be terrible. Certainly so."

At that moment, Lux, Morgana, and Lulu arrived in front of the League chart. Morgana stands in front of it idly, not really knowing what the big fuss was about. Lulu and Lux, on the other hand, pushed past the crowd to get right in front of the huge chart.

"Vei-chan… where's Vei-chan… He just came here today, but I can't find him in Bronze…"

Lulu was visibly nervous. She gulped.

"Oh… oh my… Lux, he's a bit higher than that."

Lux looked up the chart. She looked past Bronze I, she gazed over the entire Silver league, past Gold V, Gold IV…

"HEEEEH?!"

The Gold league was high enough on the chart that even Morgana, who was still standing behind the crowd, could see it clearly.

"That… that pervert… He's in Gold III after one game?!"

The entire room suddenly erupted with cries of shock, anger, and dismay. Complaints were flying every which way. Nobody wanted to believe that a student, a new one at that, could not only get a double kill in a 1v1, but rise two leagues into Gold III because of it.

…

Hah…hah…hah! Shen still hasn't caught me yet! I don't really know where I'm going, but I think I'm getting closer to the exit! I've got to escape, I can't get killed by some random ninja on the first day of school!

Suddenly, a blurry figure leaps up above me and lands in front of me. I nearly trip over myself as I'm forced to stop in my tracks. It… it's Shen!...

"You cannot escape your eminent judgement. Surrender yourself immediately."

"N-no way! You're crazy! I'm not surrendering anything!"

"Then… you shall be erased."

With blinding speed, Shen rushes at me again. Desperately looking around, I see a wall of glass to my left that looks over the main foyer. There's a huge crowd gathered there for some reason, but I don't care. I can't outrun Shen, and there's no way I can fight him. Right now, this is my only escape!

Without thinking twice, I make a mad dash for the glass wall and leap into it, smashing through it with my shoulder. Glass shards fly out onto the open foyer. The ground must be at least 30 meters below me! Just why is this school so darn huge?! There's a big rectangular block suspended by two thick cables just below me. Luckily enough, I land right on it, and it's only about a meter thick. I turn around to see Shen smashing out through the same glass wall and landing on the opposite end of the giant block. I can hear people screaming things out far below me, but I don't care enough to even try to figure out what they're saying. And besides, I can't afford to look down now. This huge convenient block is still tens of meters above the ground.

"So you would even go as far as to dirty the sacred League chart to save your own skin. You are truly despicable."

Shen calls out at me from the other end of the thin block. League chart? Is that what this big thing we're standing on is? I glance down ever so slightly. Though I can't read what the screen says, the light coming from it makes it obvious that we're standing on some sort of enormous monitor.

…

"Look, Morgana, look! Vei-chan's back! Hey, Vei-chan! What are you doing all the way up there?"

"Oh my gentle deathcaps! He's standing on top of the League chart! And that's Shen up there with him, isn't it? What's going on?! He's going to fall!"

Lulu's eyes widened in fear for a moment, but then she closed them again with a look of relief on her face.

"Don't worry about. Veigar will think of something."

"Hah? Lulu?! What's gotten into you? He's got no way to get down from there, and it looks like Shen was chasing him! Nobody's ever beaten Shen in a fight outside of ranked matches! He's still a ninja, and he still has incredible skill with his swords! The pervert's as good as dead!"

Lulu smirked.

"What's this, Morgana? You aren't... worried about him, are you?"

Morgana's cheeks exploded with redness as her mouth became all jittery.

"T-t-there's no way! W-who could possibly be worried over an idiotic, disgusting pervert like him?! Hmph!"

…

This is not good. There's nowhere to run and nowhere to hide now. I didn't think he would actually break through the glass and follow me here. Ninjas really are on a completely different level. I look around desperately, hoping to find something that can save me. This League chart is being suspended from the ground by nothing more than two thick cables, one attached to each upper corner of the chart. The cables are connected to the same place on the ceiling, above the middle of the chart so that they make an upside-down V. It doesn't look like there's any way for me to get down, and even if there was, there's no doubt that Shen would follow me and outrun me.

"There is nowhere left for you to run. You are only a mere insect before the Eye of Twilight!"

Shen raises one of his swords and gives me a deathly glare with his unblinking yellow eyes.

"Target marked."

Without warning, he throws his sword at me, with the blade aimed directly for my throat. Impulsively, I jerk my upper body to the right and the sword barely scratches my arm as it impales itself into the wall behind me. The blade only slightly grazed my arm, but I can feel blood leaking from it as my arm begins to scream in pain. Shen's swords must be incredibly sharp, and he throws them with enough force to impale them into a solid wall. A single direct hit would likely slice my body in two instantly. Hang on… if they're that sharp… then maybe…

"I admire your dexterity. However, make no mistake. Your death by this next blade shall be the atonement for your sins."

There's no room for any mistakes now. I've got one shot at this, and if I fail… it's all over. I've been to this school for one day, and I haven't even gotten to attend an actual class yet. Sure, I was forced to come here by the folks I'm crashing with at the moment, but I've been living by myself for so long, and I've finally been given the chance to be with so many people and learn and grow with them. I can't die here! I refuse to die!

I quickly shift my left foot behind my right and I turn my body to the right, leaning slightly. My body's positioning has to be perfect. The second blade comes even faster than the first. More than I ever have in my life, I put all my strength into my legs as I push myself off the ground, twisting my body left to narrowly dodge the sword. As I had planned, it passes me and slices cleanly through the thick cable that was directly behind my neck. I blindly reach up with my right hand, and I feel the length of the cable running through my fingers. With its support on one side gone, the massive League chart falls forward on one side, smashing into the floor and scrapping across it with an immense screeching noise as it leans precariously forward, threatening to break the second cable with its weight. I clench my fist as hard as I can as the broken cable swings backward towards the wall, with me hanging onto it. I twist my body once more, and I meet the wall with my legs tucked in. Without missing a beat, I push off the wall with both legs and fly through the air as I anchor upwards towards Shen, standing there on the other side of the chart.

"…Fool."

In a swift motion, Shen suddenly grabs a third blade… out of thin air. He raises his arm, and throws the third sword at me while I'm swinging through the air straight at him! How was I supposed to know that he can just create swords in his hands in an instant? Is this it? A bright ray from the lights on the ceiling reflect off the blade and force me to shut my eyes for an instant. And in that instant, I suddenly feel… lighter. I feel like I'm flying. Did I die?

The sudden increase in volume of the screams coming from below jerk me back to reality. I snap my eyes open to realize that the blade just barely missed me and cut the cable I'm swinging from. I loosen my fingers as the piece of cable falls from my hand and falls down. But I'm not falling yet, and my momentum hasn't stopped! I clench my fist and draw my arm back as I yell out in the air.

"Aaaahh!"

I swing my entire body as I force my puny fist into the armored ninja's face. Weak as I am, the momentum I gained through swinging on the cable managed to knock Shen up into the air, causing him to smash into the lights on the ceiling. The weak and thin metal supporting the lights easily breaks with Shen's collision. Huge sparks fly through the air as the luminescent bars that lit the room dropped from the ceiling, directly over the chart. The lights having electrocuted him, Shen falls freely from the ceiling, unconscious. I stretch my arm to grab the edge of the barely upright chart as I hang for dear life. Shen lands on the chart right in front of me and slips off towards the ground below. Suddenly, a distinct tearing noise starts to invade my ears.

The second cable won't hold for long.

Struggling with renewed resolve, I reach up with my other arm and grab the edge of the chart. I pull myself back onto the top of the chart and look up to see a falling light barely miss my face. I steal a daring glance at the second cable. It looks like it's stretched to its limit. Pretty soon, this entire monitor is going to fall right onto all the people below me!

Swallowing my fear, I look down at the ground. A girl with a big purple hat is rounding up the other students and directing them to move far from the chart. I'd recognize that funky hat anywhere… that's Caitlyn, the girl with the cupcake panties. I didn't think I'd actually be relieved to see her again. Looks like she's got things under control down there. Now all that's left is for me to escape-

A sharp snap echoes throughout the room. I won't be forgetting that sound for a while. The second cable broke.

People down below started screaming really loudly. Maybe they were that loud the whole time, but I didn't really notice how loud they were until now. It's like their screams are the only thing I can hear as the League chart finally tips over and falls, with me standing on it. I can't hear the sound of the chart grinding on the ground anymore. My heart is racing so quickly. It's drowning out the screams now. With the remainder of my energy, I move my feet on the top of the chart just as it reaches an angle impossible to stand on. I force my body forward and over the edge of the chart, clinging onto its back side as it falls forward. The chart was probably making a 60 degree angle with the ground right now, with me at the very top of its back side facing away from the ground. If I stay here, the impact of the chart hitting the ground will still break me. In that case, there's only one thing I can do.

I leap down from the top of the chart as it becomes steeper and steeper with each fraction of a second. My back makes contact with it again, as I rapidly slide down the back of the chart in a race against time. In a quarter of a second, the quickest look at my surroundings tells me I won't make it like this. Scrambling to get my footing back and rolling over myself in the process, I make one final leap as the once-respected League chart slams onto the ground behind me, dust and debris flying in every direction. The crash echoed and reverberated through the spacious room to create a deafening wall of noise.

I land hard on my side and roll forward, clutching my side in pain. I must be bruised all over, but I don't feel like I broke anything. After several long moments, all the noise dies down. I roll over onto my front and gingerly push myself up. My head is pounding. My senses are hardly working properly. Miraculously, I get myself to stand up straight behind all the rubble of the fallen League chart, brushing debris from my shoulders.

And then…

Applause.

The whole room erupts in a massive symphony of clapping and cheering. I turn around to see the huge crowd of students gathering back into a single group, applauding in unison.

I look up at the ceiling, then at the debris, then back at the ceiling again. I don't really get it. I know these people respected the League chart and the whole ranked match system. So… why are they so happy to see things crashing to the ground?

I guess it doesn't really matter though, in the grand scheme of things. Like the League chart, the students' sense of self-restraint seems to have been completely smashed apart. Maybe they're happy that I'm alive. Or maybe they liked the bit of entertainment they got from watching the whole damn thing. I can't tell what they're all feeling. But one thing's for sure.

I peer over the destroyed remains of the League chart.

From this day forth, things in this school are going to be different.


	5. Tarp Card Activate: Political(?) Regime!

_It's… it's so hard…_

_It's so thick, and so rough…_

…_And oh, so hard…_

_I don't think I can take any more…_

_Please…_

_Hurry up…_

…_Finish what you've set out to do…_

_Come..._

…_for me…_

…_V…_

…_Vei…_

…_Vei-!_

"VEI-CHAN! Come on, Vei-chan! It's morning already! I know you're tired but we really, really need to get going now… We're gonna be late… Geez, Vei-chan, wake up already!"

"Ahh… hmm…"

Ugh. I feel so dead right now. Too tired to move. I feel as if I was dreaming about something important. What time is it?...

"Vei-chan! Hurry up!"

"Who… what?..."

The first thing that hits me is the wafting scent of freshly prepared toast, lightly covered with strawberry jam. A simple yet filling and reasonably nutritious meal to kick off the day. I don't get to enjoy the scent or really ponder about its source for very long before somebody frantically pulls my jaw down and thrusts an entire slice of toast into my mouth at once.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, serving it up Vei-chan's way~"

Awkwardly, I just sort of lie still with the piece of toast sticking out of my mouth without chewing it, too confused and rushed to do anything. For some reason, Lux is straddling me on my bed. Why is she even here? Wasn't the daughter of the people taking care of me supposed to be back today?

…Oh no… There's no way…

She can't possibly be the person they were talking about. But if she is…

Lux leans forward and… takes a bite out of the toast.

"Come onnnn! Eat up, Vei-chan!"

…I have to LIVE with this person?!

A hand comes flying at my face and practically shoves the rest of the toast down my throat.

"Munch munch, Vei-chan! :3"

"Wheeze… Haa… haa…!" (I can't breathe… too much toast enlodged in my throat…)

"Ahh! Noooo, Vei-chan! You're still too slow! And you aren't even changed yet, you're still in your pajamas… you leave me with no choice…"

"Haa… haa?!" (WTF?)

I feel a startlingly strong tug at my shirt as the buttons are torn off one by one. The next thing I know, all hell breaks loose as articles of clothing zip around in every which way. My shirt lands in a crumpled heap in a neglected corner of the room. Sigh… why can't I just keep what little dignity I have left?

"Heeehee… hahahaha!"

"Haa… heeeennghh…" (At least don't laugh at me…)

…

At the moment, TrollAWhat-sama is preserving his philosophy of "The absolute strongest Veigar fics must have their ratings kept at T" and is currently omitting explicit Veigar x Lux content. So absolutely no shamelessly blatant references will be made today.

~From Maid-chan, who wants to help write Veigar right next to TrollAWhat-sama if possible.

…

Augh… on a side note, toast is just one of those foodstuffs that acquires the most radical taste if it's being used as a potential murder weapon.

"Alright, there you go, your uniform is all nice and snug now, Vei-chan!"

Lux grins (redundancy? she's always smiling) as she pats down the final few wrinkles, proud of her work. Though really, had our positions been switched, I would've gotten jailed for sexual assault… I'm sure of it…

…Oh no, noo, noo! I feel her hand gripping onto my collar again!

"Now that you've eaten breakfast and you've changed, there's nothing to wait for! Let's move out!"

With a burst of near super-human arm strength, Lux suddenly lifts my entire body up with a single hand, winds up her arm in unmistakable Ash Ketchum fashion, before _throwing me out the window._

"Go, Vei-chan! I choose you!"

My face smashes straight through the firm glass as I scream my lungs out in fear. As quickly as I was launched out of my own room, Lux flings out her wand which miraculously catches me in mid-air. She leaps out of the window and lands upright on her wand, and with yet another one of her signature beaming smiles that I've learned to fear, she commands her wand to zoom onwards to school. Really, I'd bet that there are plenty of people out there who would love to be put into this very situation, with random happy girls stuffing things into their mouths and being flown to school on their magic wands. It's all too surreal for me though. I'm a minimalist type of guy.

Thankfully enough, we manage to get to school without any further hassles. I'm relieved that I'm still alive, but as the wand slows to a stop in front of the large school courtyard bustling with students, nobody else seems to notice me. This sort of thing seems to be pretty normal around these parts.

"Go going, Vei-chan! We made it just on time!"

I let myself get tossed around by you and you're congratulating me… Well there goes my dignity.

We make our way back to class 2-C. There's an extra desk now in the corner of the room. I never actually managed to find one myself from the storage room yesterday because of Lux. I sit down quietly, as Lux is instantly surrounded by all sorts of people and creatures, all waiting to talk to her. She must be very popular, though with all the creepy laughing and harassment that I've had to experience, I can't help but feel a bit sad for her clueless fan base.

The blue, bearded teacher with walks into room, and the class instantly falls back into order.

"Good morning, class. Veigar! That's your name right?"

I immediately straighten my back, trying to look as diligent and respectable as possible.

"Y-yes, teacher, mister, uh, sir! Very yes!"

Some of my classmates chuckled at that. Very chuckled.

"Just… call me Professor, will you? My name is Professor Ryze, by the way; I don't think I had yet to properly introduce myself. My apologies."

"Oh… haha… that's fine… Professor…"

"But more importantly than that, Veigar, I wanted to speak to you about your… conduct yesterday afternoon."

My conduct? What did I do yesterday…

Well, there was that part where I spilled root beer, nearly died, and destroyed the most massive display in the entire building. My conduct… my conduct…

Oh I'm a shitty student aren't I.

I desperately look around at my classmates for help. They all turn away from me except Lux, she's still smiling at me, and perhaps Evelynn, because I can't see what she's doing. I could have sworn some of these people were clapping after I broke the big league chart yesterday… I guess they just thought my near-death experience was nothing more than a joke after all. If I get kicked out after one day, then the folks I'm living with will be so cross with me…

Professor Ryze opens his mouth to speak again. I shut my eyes tightly, expecting the worst.

"…You went missing in action for a while with Lux when I asked you to find a desk yesterday. What exactly were you two doing together the entire afternoon?"

"…"

"…"

Such silence. You know, teachers really ought to just ask awkward, unexpected questions like that instead of yelling when students get too noisy…

From the corner of my eye, I can see a small blush appearing over Lux's face as she raises her hands to her cheeks and stares down at the floor with a grin. I'm not the only one who notices… everyone else is starting to turn and look at her now. I really don't like where this is going…

"Ahh… Professor… I wished you wouldn't bring that up so quickly… That kind of stuff is a bit… Private, you know?"

You little bitch-

"Ehh? Lux-san did what with the new kid?! What's going on, Lux-san?"

"Fuck man! How did that little dipshit get to her before me?"

"Lux! What did you do with him?"

The entire class erupts into chaos. You could say that the total entropy of the system of the classroom increased through the decrease of the total entropy within Lux, although I honestly think Lux is only getting more chaotic herself. Oh, second law of thermodynamics, silly you. The science police will be after us.

In any case, I think it would be in my best interest to try and clear things up a little.

"Umm, wait, everyone! This isn't what it sounds like! Lux and I, we were only-"

"I… please don't show everyone, Vei-chan… I'm not really into exhibitionism… not in front of our class at least…"

For the finishing blow, she slightly shifts her shirt to the side to reveal a bit of her shoulder while sliding her other hand downwards towards special places.

And at God's will, the great flood came to sweep the land of all sinners. Except in this case, the flood isn't water, it's just blood from all the nosebleeds. They were all most certainly sinners though, by virtue of guilty thought.

"What is this?! You're all getting such horrid nosebleeds just from that? You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves!"

Professor Ryze is incredibly dismayed by his male students' evident lack of integrity. Frankly, I am too. The huge pool of blood has actually managed to reach my heels.

"Alright! Now's our chance! Let's get out of here, Vei-chan!"

Lux grabs me by the hand and runs out the door as pandemonium continues to break out behind us. I wonder how long it will actually take for me to attend an actual class here. Then again, given the way this school seems to operate, I'm not quite sure if I would really want to.

"Wait, Lux! What are you doing?"

"We're going to the storage room of course, silly! We didn't manage to actually go there yesterday, remember?"

Well that's absolutely true.

Sitting through classes with Noxian assassins, trees, scorpions, and invisible people looks pretty appealing right now.

"Waaaait!"

A familiar shrill voice that manages to hit the highest of octaves while maintaining a hint of confidence fills the hall.

Lux stops and turns on her heel.

"Oh! Class president! Shouldn't you be dealing with the flood in the classroom?"

Shouldn't YOU be dealing with that? Seeing as you're the one who started it...

Lulu puts her hands on her hips and glares at Lux. If she's actually upset about something, why can't she just turn into a butterfly thing and shoot those glittery lasers again? I guess Lulu is on the more reserved and casual side of the school's population. That's rather worrying when I think about it.

"Lux! I won't let you drag him around as you please! Give Veigar back, now!"

Lux pouts and puffs her cheeks.

"No can do, prez! He's going to do something very, very important with me, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't bother us anymore."

"I won't let you do such indecent things in school! Veigar, you're coming with me!"

Today, I went to school for the second time of my life. After being put on the spot by my Professor, the class was enveloped by the great flood. Then, my future was fought over by a maniacally grinning practitioner of sexual assault and a laser-spitting butterfly. FML

Your life sucks (43)  
You deserved it (181,957)

The internet has spoken!

Nobody loves me.

"Guys... Look, I think we should take my opinion into account too, I mean, I think that's sort of important-"

"NO!" "NO!"

Well, they agree on something.

"Vei-chan... don't you want to come with me? I haven't shown you the surprise yet!"

"A surprise? Oh I think I've had enough surprises today."

"He's right, you know! Give him back Lux."

"Never! Vei-chan is mine!"

And with that, Lux dives headfirst into Lulu, taking them both down onto the floor. An epic catfight ensues. I think I'd better just back away right now... I don't want to be here when/if this ever resolves, because I don't feel the need to follow either of them. Time to dip.

The halls are pretty empty, as expected. I probably shouldn't go back to 2-C until the commotion dies down and the blood gets drained by a sparkly hemomancer or something. I haven't had any peace and quiet all morning.

"A-ahh! Master, is that you?"

I instinctively turn around and look upwards, only to see nothing. Realizing that whoever called out to me is actually my height, I feel a certain rush of relief. I might not be a state-recognized dwarf.

"Oh boy! We've all been waiting for you Master, I prayed that you would come here. Come with me, quick!"

It's a girl with short blue hair and a school uniform with a green collar. She's probably a year under me. She's the same height as me too. I don't feel quite as excluded anymore.

She leads me into a room filled with a few other people who all seem exceptionally happy to see me.

"Look, everyone! Our master is here! It's really him! It's Veigar!"

"Oh goodness! He's finally here!"

"I've always wanted to meet him in person!"

"He's so attractive!"

"Hold me!"

I'd feel so honored by all of this, if it weren't for the fact that we're standing in a very dusty room filled with boxes that's probably been abandoned for quite some time. There's a few people sitting around a big table in the middle of room that's completely covered in a huge tablecloth.

"Who… are you guys?"

The blue haired girl introduces herself first with a beaming smile.

"I'm Tristana, and I'm the president of the Veigar Appreciation Group!"

So "VAG" for short.

…I don't think I want to call it that. Ever. It sounds far too inappropriate for a T-rated fanfiction.

On the other hand, maybe this is exactly what I need to feel loved at this school. I guess there are some kind people here after all. In the group, there's four people including Tristana. There's a short guy in a bunny costume with a blowpipe sticking out of his mouth, a furry blue person holding a wrench, and a robot. They're all my height, except for the robot.

"So, great leader? Are you leading us on a mission today?"

"A… mission? Why?"

The robot with fake blonde hair and glowing blue eyes speaks up immediately.

"Your desire for reform is clear. Your destruction of the league chart yesterday was highly inspirational. Our prayers have been answered. You are our savior."

Her synthesized voice gives me the chills. Even this robot is wearing a school uniform. If she's a robot, couldn't they just program things into her instead of making her go to classes? Or, it could be that she just wants to make friends. That would be nice. I think I could get along with her. But even so, I think there's a sort of misunderstanding going on here.

"Yesterday was an accident! That ninja with the swords was going to kill me, so I had to do something-"

"Interesting. So his resistance meant nothing to you."

"What?"

Her unnaturally calm, computer-like voice comprised of only a handful of different pitches echoes through the room.

"Did you kill him?"

"No! At least, I hope I didn't. I was acting out of self-defense!"

"That is disappointing. You will not, however, be disappointed with us."

I feel a distinct chill down my spine as Tristana and all the other members of the group simultaneously turn their heads to face me with blank expressions. The robot girl takes a step towards me, her glowing eyes boring into my face.

"We will kill your enemies. That will be fun."

A loud slamming noise comes from behind me. I whip around to see the door has closed on its own. I dash to the doorknob, but it's locked from the outside. The entire group is on their feet now, standing perfectly upright with their unblinking eyes trained on me.

"You will lead us to victory. Your ideas, your regime, your revolution. Your glory. Think nothing of us. We are here to serve you."

"W-what?! What revolution? Tristana? What's going on?"

Tristana remains completely still.

"The league chart has already been destroyed. You saw to that yourself. Divisions no longer exist, and the people who were once part of them will soon disband. You will relish in the chaos of your own deeds."

Suddenly, yellow lights begin to flash from below the tablecloth. With the grinding noise of hundreds of gears, the table is instantly flung upwards as a metallic ball emerges from under the cloth, flying to the robot with a clicking sound as it reaches her. Tristana and all the other group members begin to glow an eerie shade of neon blue as they dissolve into a mass of blue squares rushing back into the ball. They weren't real after all.

"League of Funbun Collegiate Institute is at your mercy. You will destroy the League of Legends before it was ever born."

I press my back to the door as my eyes widen in fear. I thought Caitlyn was the terrorist, but this robot is the real deal.

"I don't know what you're talking about! I'm not doing a thing to this school! And, you're a student here too, aren't you?! Whatever this League of Legends is supposed to be, you'd want to be a part of that, wouldn't you?!"

The robot girl pauses for a moment and slowly looks down at the floor. This is the biggest showcase of emotion I've seen out of her so far.

"Negative. Your plans have already been set in motion. The League will cease to exist."

The robot begins to slowly walk forwards towards me, her unblinking blue eyes becoming seared into my memory.

"We will kill your enemies… We will kill your enemies…"

"No-! Stop! Don't come any closer!"

"…And you will have fun."


	6. Rabbits shall soar over them!

The steady clanging of metal hitting the floor echoes through the tiny room as the robot draws even closer. Her glowing blue eyes continuously glare at me, and I somehow can't bring myself to look away from my assailant. My body is pressed hard against the wall as I desperately fumble with the doorknob even though I know it's locked from the outside. Damn it, what kind of lousy security system does this school use?

"If you were wondering about why the door locked itself, please be GlaD to know that the door did not do this of its own accord, but rather because I forced it to. This door harbours no ill will towards you. It wishes to convey its most sincere apologies, but it can't because it's a door. Please be shocked by the sad irony of the door's life as I imprint these psychological blueprints that I prepared just for you into your brain."

The robot's cold, synthesized voice is now absolutely terrifying, forcing out each syllable at a high, disturbing pitch as it continues to step closer and closer. Never mind the fact that I absolutely cannot bring myself to sympathize with a door, those psychological blueprints don't sound very fun.

"U-um… You really don't need to be doing this, you know? I mean, you… you called me your master before, right? I-I'm telling you to stop, so why don't we just sit down and talk this through? This nice, dusty floor here harbours no ill will towards either of us, after all-"

The robot's flying metallic ball suddenly shakes violently as if to reject my silly proposition. In what appears to be a fit of rage, the ball flies up into the air before forcefully smashing into the wall right beside me, causing bits of brick to fly off. It's as if the ball is daring me to make one more stupid comment like that.

"W-well. You sure aren't the talking type. I, haha, I find that very interesting, actually! I do love that ball you've got there! Hahaha!"

My body has completely gone numb from fear as my brain begins to face the same treatment. I've come to accept just how horribly screwed I am. And it's all because I decided to follow that fake Tristana into this obviously fake clubroom for an appreciation group that would never really exist.

"It had been my intention to ease your self-admittance into this room by exploiting your carnal desire to be among those of equivalent height. I was only trying to help you. And yet all you do is deny my kindness. It makes me sad."

Oh yes, I'm sure it does. Your plans to mutilate my brain make me even more sad though.

"Please accept and take pride in your own future. After all is said and done, there will be a wonderful celebratory party at the end. All of your friends will be invited. And there will be cake. A very delicious and moist cake, which is most certainly real."

Huh. Neither Lux nor Lulu offered me any material goods when they tried to make me go with them. I certainly do like cake. Maybe I should go with this robot…

…

I decide against it. That would be like an instant bad end decision in a visual novel. I haven't even finished any of the main heroines' routes yet, so I want to hold off on unlocking all the bad endings. I'll just save my progress here for later.

But just as I'm about to confirm my save, the last voice I expected to hear suddenly comes from the other side of the door.

"Hey! Vei-chan, are you in here? Vei-chan?"

My brain turns on again as my eyes regain their focus. I don't have to die yet!

"Lux! Holy shit, I feel like I'm going to regret saying this sometime in the near future, but I'm really fucking happy to know you're here for me! Open the door!"

… There's no response from the other side.

The blonde robot gets closer. It's pretty much right behind me now.

"Lux?! Lux? Come on, please! I'm begging you! Open the door!"

Soft murmuring sounds finally start to become audible from the other end. Lux wasn't doing nothing, she was just…

"Hah… ha ha! Vei-chan said he loves me… Vei-chan said he loves me… VEI-CHAN SAID HE LOVES ME!11!"

Her silent muttering rises in volume until it's practically a scream. I'm getting rather impatient.

"LUX! JUST OPEN THE DOOR!"

I can feel the robot's fingers curling onto my shoulder now. I'm done for!

Suddenly, an enormous banging noise comes from the other side of the door. A tiny dent appears on its surface. Acting purely on impulse, I twist myself out of the robot's grasp and leap to the side as I hear a second bang.

"VEI-CHAN!"

On the third hit, the heavy metal door completely caves in as its hinges break off. The robot jumps back in self-defense, clearly expecting nothing short of an army, a battering ram, or some kind of cannon on the other side. But to its surprise, as well as my own…

"Hahaha! Vei-chan, there you are!"

…this deranged girl managed to blow away that huge door with her bare hands. Let's not even talk about the physical implications of her punches being able to blow away the door like that. I do not think that linear momentum could have possibly been conserved in this case.

"L-Lux! I don't know how you got through that door, but thanks for saving me."

No sooner than when those words of relief left my mouth did I feel a distinct pang of fear.

"Hah… Vei-chan loves me… Hahahaha! Vei-chan!"

"What an unexpected development. It does not seem that it will be possible for me to continue under these new circumstances. I will have to invite her to your celebratory party with cake as well."

And with that, the robot commands the ball to smash clean through the wall before making an exit.

I shouldn't have expected much from a robot bent on my mental annihilation, but it still makes me sad that it would abandon me like this. Lux is even scarier than usual right now.

"Oh Vei-chan… Not even I expected you to come to the storage room to wait for me on your own… I thought you were trying to get away from me, but you were just teasing me again, weren't you Vei-chan?"

Wait wait WHAAT?

"Th-this shitty excuse for a club room is actually the storage room?!"

Looking around, this room does sort of look like it's really used just to store things, with various boxes all over the place.

"And you even chose to confess to me here too! For a moment, I was too shocked to think properly… oooh you're a sinful man Vei-chan…"

Hang on. All I said was that I'm fucking happy that you're here to save me from the evil robot.

"You know I'll always be with you, Vei-chan…"

Oh my goodness the misinterpretations are too strong. This is so hopeless.

"You've made everything that I was planning to do to you so much easier, Vei-chan. Now, let's get started!"

She's got a face that I've never seen on anyone before. Her eyes are locked in an expression of pure bliss whilst being slightly narrowed, while her mouth is making some strange combination of the colon three and colon D emoticons. I knew she was a stoner all along. Making no hesitation, I quickly dash past her and out through where the door used to be. Lux was actually too engrossed in whatever she was thinking about to react until I had already been gone for a good ten seconds.

"Ahh! Vei-chan, wait! Where are you going, Vei-chan?"

…

Meanwhile, a completely unrelated conversation was going on.

"So, Cait? You're going to chill with your shit now, right? I mean, without the league chart, ranked matches don't really mean anything anymore."

"Hang on Vi. I think I can hear someone running in the halls. Such rule breaking will not be tolerated!"

Caitlyn quickly turns the next corner with her arms on her hips.

"You there! No running in the- AHHH!"

…

*bang*

Oww, my head… what did I just smack into? I feel like I'm lying on top of something, or someone, and now there's this big, round soft thing in my hand. What is this?... Squish squish…

"Hey, Cait, you alright- Oh. Ha. Hahaha."

Vi came rushing to Caitlyn after hearing the collision, but immediately looks away with a sly grin on her face.

"Y-y-y-you again..!"

I slowly raise my head the floor to see an awfully familiar face.

"Oh, isn't it Caitlyn? Funny that we would see each other again like this-"

"GET OFF ME!"

Taken aback by her suddenly outburst, I reflexively squeeze hard with my hand.

"Mmnn~!"

"Damn, Cait. I sure hope this ain't the same kind of Piltover Peacemaking you were telling me about."

Vi struggles to stifle her laughter with minimal success.

I don't get it.

"I… No… Stop..! Stop!"

Caitlyn looks like she's in a state of… I don't know. Her eyes are slightly rolled upward while her cheeks are completely flushed with her mouth hanging open.

"Alright, enough is enough, kid. Your name is Veigar, isn't it?"

Vi comes over and picks me up with one of her enormous metal hands before bringing my face very close to hers, as if I'm a science experiment that must be examined thoroughly.

"You know, I didn't think much of you when you picked up that double kill. Thought you were just another puny little pushover- but clearly…"

She motions over to Caitlyn, who's still lying on the floor with a mildly dazed expression on her face.

"…You're a lot more fun than I expected. That was pretty bold of you just now. You into girls like Cait over there? I mean she's got a pretty nice rack, not that I would need to tell you…"

Hmm. She absolutely has a point. Oh, so the big squishy thing in my hand was…

Ohoho. We just narrowly avoided making this fic too intense to keep its T rating. Good going, whatever your name is.

"Anyway, I haven't introduced myself yet, have I? I'm Vi."

Vi loosens her grip and lets me drop to the floor.

"Honestly, you're a tad small, but you're still my type."

From the corner of my eye, I can see Lux showing up from around the corner. I'm overwhelmed once more by sheer terror.

"Oh, don't make faces like that! Come on, you know I'd still support you even if you go for my best friend, yeah?"

There's no time to waste! I'm out of here! I pick myself up from the ground as I make my valiant escape from the clutches of darkness, otherwise known as Lux.

"What?! You're running away? But Cait's still all the way over here!"

Caitlyn gets up with a hand on her chest. The aura of anger surrounding her is almost strong enough to be visible.

"Vi… Stop him. Don't let him get away…"

"Oh, you want him back? Did you finally become sexually aware? Well that's a good sign, I mean I was always afraid that you were one of THOSE kinds of people-"

"I'M GOING TO OBLITERATE HIS SOUL!"

Caitlyn roars with fury as she grabs her rifle out of nowhere and fires an arbitrary shot at the ceiling for the sake of making herself more intimidating.

"THAT HORRIBLY INDECENT BEAST SHALL BE SILENCED TODAY!"

She runs off after Veigar, screaming and madly firing her gun the whole way. In a far more relaxed manner, Vi looks out the window as a convenient ray of sunlight washes over her face in an overly dramatic fashion.

"Caitlyn, my greatest friend. Today marks the day that you discovered the joys of being a woman. Your future will be bright."

"VEII-CHANNN!"

Lux zooms past Vi, interrupting her heart-felt speech and nearly knocking her over in the process.

"Veigar's one popular guy isn't he. Hold up, I want to come too!"

With a playful glint in her eyes, Vi joins the chase.

…

"HOLD STILL!"

Another gunshot fills my ears as the next bullet collides with the floor by feet. I'm sure the only reason why I'm still alive is the fact that Caitlyn's too angry to aim properly.

"W-wait, Caitlyn! It was an accidenttttt!"

"YOU THINK I WOULD BE STUPID ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT? YOU SQUEEZED ME WITH THOSE DIRTY HANDS OF YOURS ON PURPOSE!"

Another shot is fired, this time it barely misses my ear as it makes a hole in the wall far ahead of me.

"Gah! If you keep shooting you're going to kill someone!"

"THAT'S THE POINT! NOW STOP RUNNING!"

Oh, I can see the infirmary just ahead! Maybe the staff there will save me!

I push the infirmary door open to come across an unnerving sight. That tall guy with the shiny, rectangular face called Jayce is standing in the middle of the room facing me with that crazy axe-throwing nurse on her knees in front of him, bobbing her upper body up and down. I've seen many weird things in this school, but nothing quite as… scandalous as this.

"Um…? What are you doing?"

"Ah! You're Veigar from my class, aren't you? Good to see you! The nurse is currently servicing me right now, so if you could just step out for a moment-"

"S-S-S-S-SERVICING YOU?!"

My mind goes crazy as my imagination runs rampant. This is the same nurse who I woke up next to in the infirmary bed, the same nurse whose wet shirt was a glorious sight, yet also the same nurse who tried to murder me. With the exception of that last part, she was certainly attractive, in all the right ways. When Jayce says "servicing", when she's on her knees in front of him right here in a school infirmary, he couldn't possibly mean…

Many, many years ago, when I was very little and my parents were still alive, my dad would sometimes get popsicles for me. He told me that there's a specific method of eating popsicles that he wants me to avoid using. When I didn't understand, he got my mom to help him demonstrate how I shouldn't be eating popsicles. I hadn't understood at that time why my dad seemed so happy all of sudden, but since then, my mind has acquired vast amounts of wisdom, so I understand everything.

"N-n-nurse! Y-you shouldn't eat popsicles like that!"

Akali freezes still for a second as if appalled by what I said before slowly turning her head to face me with a wide smile on her bright and happy face.

"Oh, it's good to see you again, sir! As you can clearly, CLEARLY see with your highly accurate eyes, all I'm doing is applying a bandage to this patient's leg."

Indeed, with her body now turned, I can definitely see bandages on Jayce's leg. Her cheery and innocent nurse voice sounds really forced though, for some reason. The effect of her sarcasm is completely lost to me as a result.

"O-oh. I see. You just looked like you were, um, how should I put it… eating popsicles improperly-"

In the blink of an eye, Akali is suddenly right in front of me, holding me up by the collar of my school uniform. An evil grin appears on her face as her entire demeanor instantly becomes a whole lot darker.

"You really, really want to die don't you?..."

"Aghh… Nurse person, I… I meant no harm…"

Apparently she didn't like that. Akali ruthlessly slams my body onto the ground and stands over me with her right foot on my chest.

"My name is Akali, you dipshit."

She grinds her heel against my ribs, sending a jolt of pain through my upper body.

"Ah, ow! Get off me…"

"Quiet, you stupid, worthless, unbecoming, dirty excuse for a person!"

Dammit. I don't like it a whole lot when people stand on me and insult me. I don't know who would.

…

Meanwhile, far, far away, Katarina shoves her heel further down onto Ezreal's back.

"Ahh~ Haa!~ More! Step on me more!"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Shut up and die!"

Katarina puts all her strength into her heel as she buries it deep into Ezreal's flesh, causing severe bruising.

"PUUREE BLISSSSS~"

"Heh. Heh heh! Y-you aren't much of a prodigal explorer, are you? You're just a puny little mess to be trampled on!"

"Hnnnn~ Yes! You're right! I'm just for you to trample on! Hahahaha!"

…

I certainly don't know anyone that weird.

"Um, Akali, what's going on over there?"

One of the white infirmary curtains gets pushed aside as bitchslap steps out. Akali suddenly switches back to her nice personality.

"Oh? You're feeling better now, Morgana? I'm relieved."

I get the feeling that I'm the only person Akali abuses. She just abuses me to such an extent that it actually balances out with how happy she is to everyone else.

"Yeah, I'm fine now, but who's that you're stepping on?"

I don't think she's going to appreciate seeing me here, of all people. Especially since all of our previous misunderstandings have yet to be resolved-

"AHHH! I-I-IT'S HIM! HE'S THE CREEPY RAPIST WHO TRAUMATIZED ME!"

"Hey! Who are you calling a… rape…ist…"

The colour drains from my face as Akali returns to her sadistic side and looks at my face with the greatest amount of disgust and hatred I have ever seen.

"Ha. You meant no harm, you say? I wasn't even your first victim… Morgana had an appointment here to deal with the mental trauma from being sexually harassed, but not even I thought it was you again."

The poison in her words stings pretty badly as she grinds her heel harder against my body.

"No… you don't understand… I never did anything wrong!"

The infirmary door is suddenly torn off its hinges and tossed into the corner of the room as Lux, Caitlyn, and Vi simultaneously make their way in. You'd expect that Vi broke the door, but from the corner of my eye, I'm pretty sure I saw Lux doing it again.

"Vei-chan! What are you doing lying there right under the nurse? You're going to see some inappropriate things from that angle!"

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M HERE ON PURPOSE TO YOU?!"

Suddenly, the window shatters as (who would've guessed it) Lulu flies in.

"Veigar, are you here-"

Everyone sort of stares at her in silence.

"Oh. You certainly have… lots of company."

"HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN HERE?"

"That's not important. We need to go, Veigar."

Lulu, in her endless wisdom, simply walks up to Akali and lightly pushes her off me. Akali looks pissed again. Maybe she'll finally be mad at someone other than me.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm taking Veigar with me. I… need him, after all."

No! No you don't! You said the same thing in chapter 2 when we first met but I still have no idea what you want from me!

Surprisingly, it's bitchslap who steps in this time.

"Prez, no! He's going to do terrible, unspeakable things to you! He's a real sex offender, you know?"

"Hehe… Vei-chan, you can offend me anytime you want…"

"Nooo! Cait, say something before you lose your chance!"

"I, uh, will not stand for such shameless acts while we're still students! I-I will detain the criminal and properly punish him to the full extent of the law-"

"SHUT! UP! I HATE ALL OF YOU!"

Everyone goes silent for a few seconds. Lux is the only one who actually looks affected by what I said though.

"Ok, I don't HATE you, but-"

As soon as I get that far, everyone starts shouting all over again. I close my eyes, trying to block everything out.

A soft clinking noise. Gas rapidly flowing out of somewhere.

What's happening?..

A heavy thump. Something large falls onto the floor. Another thump. Thump… thump…

Everyone's voices… are disappearing.

I'm about to open my eyes when Akali falls forward right onto me, her chest pressing against my face.

A strange, foreign scent washes over my nose, and it isn't Akali.

"Vei…chan…"

Thump. Lux is the last one to to go down.

I feel so tired…

…

"Extraction successful."

"Good work there, partner.


End file.
